The Power of Parenting Language: How to Support Your Anxious Child
As parents, the words we choose when speaking to our anxious children can have a powerful impact on how they learn to manage their fears. Language can either reinforce anxiety or help a child build confidence in facing their worries. In particular, parents often use demand statements and protective statements in an attempt to ease their child’s distress, but these can unintentionally reinforce anxious thinking. Instead, shifting to supportive statements can help children feel validated while also fostering resilience and bravery.
Demand Statements: Trying to Talk Anxiety Away
Demand statements often come from a place of wanting to minimize anxiety. They try to rationalize fears or push past discomfort, but they often make an anxious child feel unheard. When a child is in an anxious state, their brain’s fear center (the amygdala) is activated, making logical reasoning ineffective in the moment.
Examples of Demand Statements:
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“You’re fine, this isn’t a big deal.”
“Just stop thinking about it.”
“You have no reason to be anxious.”
“You should be excited, not scared.”
Why Demand Statements Don’t Work:
Telling an anxious child there’s no reason to be afraid doesn’t eliminate their fear—it just makes them feel misunderstood. It can also signal to them that their feelings are wrong, which may lead to frustration or further distress.
Protective Statements: Shielding, Not Strengthening
Protective statements often come from a parent’s instinct to prevent their child from experiencing distress. While well-intentioned, these statements can reinforce avoidance, making it harder for a child to build confidence in handling anxiety-provoking situations.
Examples of Protective Statements:
“This is too hard for you.”
“I don’t want you to feel anxious.”
“If this makes you nervous, you don’t have to do it.”
“I’ll stay with you so you don’t have to be scared.”
“If you’re uncomfortable, we can leave right away.”
Why Protective Statements Don’t Work:
When parents use protective statements, they unintentionally send the message that anxiety is too overwhelming to handle. This teaches children to rely on avoidance or parental intervention instead of developing their own coping skills.
Supportive Statements: The Balance Between Validation & Confidence
Supportive statements combine validation (acknowledging your child’s feelings) with confidence (showing belief in their ability to cope). This balance helps children feel both understood and empowered.
How Supportive Statements Work:
Validation: “I see that you’re feeling worried.” → This helps your child feel heard.
Confidence: “I know you can handle this.” → This reinforces their ability to cope.
Examples of Supportive Statements:
“I know this feels scary for you, and I believe you can do it.”
“I can see that you’re nervous, and that’s okay. You’ve handled tough situations before.”
“It’s okay to feel worried. You don’t have to feel ready, you just have to take the next step.”
“I’m here to support you, but I know you can do this on your own.”
“Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you can’t handle it. You’re stronger than your worries.”
Why Supportive Statements Work:
Supportive statements allow children to feel seen and heard while also encouraging them to take steps toward overcoming their fears. This approach helps them develop the confidence to face anxiety rather than avoid it.
Final Thoughts: Language Shapes Resilience
The way we speak to our children during anxious moments plays a key role in shaping their mindset. By shifting from demand and protective statements to supportive statements, parents can help their children develop the tools they need to face anxiety with confidence.
Next time your child is feeling anxious, pause and ask yourself: Am I minimizing, protecting, or supporting? The right words can make all the difference in helping your child feel brave enough to take on their fears.
Struggling to find the right words to support your anxious child? Grab your copy of my free digital download . Easy-to-use supportive statements that validate your child’s feelings while building their confidence to handle anxiety. Learn why these statements work and get simple, effective scripts you can start using today to foster resilience at home.
