How to Manage Holiday Anxiety
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for many, it brings an unwelcome visitor: anxiety. From the pressure of family dynamics to the overwhelm of shopping and planning, the holidays can be a stress-inducing time. If you struggle with holiday anxiety, you’re not alone. In fact, anxiety during this time of year is so common that mental health professionals have developed several approaches to help people manage it.
Let’s explore some practical ways to cope with holiday anxiety.
1. Understanding the Source of Holiday Anxiety
Before we can manage holiday anxiety, it's important to understand where it comes from. For many people, anxiety around the holidays isn’t just about feeling stressed—it’s about trying to control or avoid uncomfortable emotions and situations.
Family Dynamics and Expectations: Whether it’s navigating tricky family conversations, managing parental expectations, or dealing with unresolved conflicts, the holidays often trigger anxiety related to our relationships with family members.
Perfectionism and Expectations: The pressure to create the "perfect" holiday experience—whether it's crafting an ideal dinner, giving the best gifts, or hosting a flawless celebration—can lead to feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.
Uncertainty and Change: The holidays often bring unfamiliar routines, time off work, and changes in how we spend our time. This unpredictability can amplify feelings of anxiety, especially for those who struggle with uncertainty.
With these sources in mind, let’s explore strategies for addressing anxiety in a constructive way.
2. Approach #1: Reframing and Facing Anxiety
It’s so important to face anxiety rather than avoid it. Anxiety-driven avoidance, is where we try to sidestep uncomfortable feelings by either distracting ourselves or avoiding the situations that trigger our anxiety. This just fuels anxiety and makes it stronger.
How to Apply This to Holiday Anxiety:
Recognize and Acknowledge Your Anxiety: Instead of trying to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that come with the holidays, acknowledge them. The first step is to notice the anxiety without judgment. For example, if you feel anxious about a family gathering, don’t try to shut it down. Instead, say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious about this, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel this way.”
Lean into Anxiety Rather Than Shying Away: Practice exposure to the very situations you’re afraid of. This doesn’t mean overwhelming yourself with holiday-related events, but rather, taking small, manageable steps to face your fears. If family gatherings make you anxious, for instance, start with a short visit or plan for a particular conversation you’re dreading. Gradually, the anxiety will decrease as you demonstrate to yourself that you can handle these situations.
Avoidance is the Enemy: If you find yourself pushing away social invitations, avoiding difficult conversations, or opting out of holiday activities altogether, you might be falling into the trap of avoidance. This might provide temporary relief, but in the long run, it keeps anxiety intact. Instead, challenge yourself to engage with the situation in manageable ways.
3. Approach #2: Managing Anxiety Through Parent-Child Conversations
Here we focus on helping parents support their children with anxiety by changing how they respond to anxious behaviors.
How to Apply This to Holiday Anxiety:
While this approach may focus on parents and children, it can be helpful for anyone dealing with anxiety—especially if you find yourself avoiding certain situations or seeking reassurance. During the holidays, you may feel the urge to seek comfort from loved ones or become overly dependent on their responses to feel safe.
Don’t Over-Validate Your Anxiety: One of the key strategies here is to limit reassurance-seeking behaviors. It’s easy to fall into the trap of texting family members repeatedly for confirmation or reassurance before an event. While this may momentarily ease anxiety, it doesn’t actually address the root of the fear.
Practice Calm, Confident Responses: Model calmness and confidence when your children are anxious. You can apply this same principle in your own life by practicing self-assurance when anxiety arises. When faced with a stressful family gathering or an overwhelming to-do list, remind yourself: "I am capable of handling this. I can deal with this discomfort."
Shift Your Focus: Focus less on trying to eliminate anxiety and more on engaging with the present moment. Rather than ruminating on potential disasters or how things might go wrong, try to be mindful of the situation as it unfolds. Practice grounding yourself in the current moment, rather than mentally preparing for worst-case scenarios.
4. Approach #3: Compassion and Self-Care
In this approach we emphasize the importance of being kind to yourself during times of stress. Self-compassion can significantly reduce the intensity of anxiety by counteracting the harsh, judgmental self-talk that often accompanies anxious thoughts.
How to Apply This to Holiday Anxiety:
Be Kind to Yourself About Your Anxiety: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend—gently and with understanding. If you're feeling anxious about a holiday event, you might say, “It’s okay to feel this way. A lot of people experience anxiety during the holidays, and I am doing the best I can.”
Make Time for Self-Care: The holiday season can feel overwhelming, especially when you're juggling multiple responsibilities. Self-care rituals keep anxiety in check. Whether it’s carving out time for a quiet walk, practicing deep breathing, or simply taking a break to recharge, make sure to prioritize yourself amidst the holiday hustle.
Limit the Pressure for Perfection: In the spirit of self-compassion, remind yourself that the holidays don’t need to be perfect. Let go of the myth of the “perfect” holiday and instead embrace the idea of “good enough.” If things don’t go as planned, that’s okay. You are still worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of how the holidays unfold.
5. Final Thoughts: A Holistic Approach to Holiday Anxiety
Holiday anxiety is a real and valid experience, but it doesn't have to take over your season. By integrating these approaches you can begin to reduce anxiety and reclaim the joy of the holidays.
Here’s a quick recap of how to manage holiday anxiety:
Face your anxiety head-on by gradually engaging with the situations that trigger it.
Limit reassurance-seeking behaviors and instead practice calm, confident responses.
Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and carving out time for self-care.
The holidays are a time of connection, but that doesn’t mean they’re free from challenges. By adopting these strategies, you can navigate the season with more peace, resilience, and joy—no matter what comes your way.
What’s your experience with holiday anxiety? Which of these strategies do you think would work best for you this season? Let me know in the comments below!
